Ah, there you are :) Don't worry, this won't take long. You'll still have enough time to go back to heaven, you beautiful thing, you.
Validation. Many of us live in a world of validation. A world where other people's opinions and beliefs shape who we are. I am not just talking about women, but men too, who live in the reality of others and not in their own. The penniless prince, or princess.
This mentality is "fitting in" to societies' expectations. What do my parents think of me? What do my friends think of me? What does the man sitting on the bus think of me? We have this identity (the ego) that is constantly being attacked by people. Their compliments empower us, their criticism shoot us down. Where are you from? What do you do for a living? Where do you live? If you tell them what they want to hear, we feel accepted, perhaps relieved, or more powerful than before. Sometimes we lie to them in the fear of being seen in a negative light.
The problem with this mentality is that we do not know who we are. We cannot define ourselves. We are living in someone else's reality. Society has been engineered to propose a lifestyle that is the "ultimate“. The so called, fame, money and glory. For men it is go to school, do well, get a good job, get lots of money and then, only then, will you be validated. For women it is the same, but most of all, be slim, beautiful, appreciated by everyone, and do not express your sexual desires. While doing these things are apparently for your "benefit", and logically they make sense, they should not be pursued for the ultimate goal of being "complete". Being complimented by a beautiful person in the street may make you feel validated today, but it won't tomorrow. The biggest compliment you can receive is from yourself. It is self love. Not narcissism or cockiness, but an appreciation of your worth. Not the opinion of other people, but a personal validation that you are now, and always will be, enough.
The penniless princess is the princess begging on the street, the girl who doesn't realize she is a princess and is actually worth beyond words.This mentality affects women the most. Women who are validation seekers or attention seekers, are in a constant state of emotional and spiritual homelessness. A woman's social reputation is everything to her. She is afraid of being seen as too sexually aggressive, too fat, not stylish enough, not smart enough. I have seen girls posting photos online just to feel good about themselves. To get those likes, to get those comments and compliments, just so that she feel complete. I have seen how people's opinions on their clothing can affect them profoundly. How one honest comment on their dress may be the difference between them wearing it, or not wearing it ever again. If I asked them to define themselves, where does their sense of being beautiful come from? From the mouths of other people. If I asked them how smart they are, they will think about their education. If I ask them how wealthy they are, they will think of their bank account. For me, we have to stop seeking positive emotions from external things. Beauty has always been subjective, in the eyes of the beholder, but most importantly, it is within yourself. Intelligence is wisdom and imagination, and wealth is health. Look after these three things and you should know, ( not even because I'm telling you) that you are enough.
For many of us, being the leader of the flock is terrifying. Rather, we prefer to follow suit and have everything dictated for us. For us it seems convenient, easy and hassle free. But it is not us. This is not who we really are. Having other people define our being is disrespecting ourselves. Knowing yourself is about following your heart. I have heard this line: "You don't understand me!" or "You don't even know me!" The truth is, is that these people don't know themselves. If they wore their heart on their sleeves, we would understand them. If they told us what they were really thinking, we would understand them. If they told the truth about what they wanted, we would understand them. This society we live in oppresses the deepest desires in our heart and keeps us in perplexed fear.
The greatest fear in the world is the fear of what everyone else thinks of us. Compliments and insults are ideas. Like money, fame and glory: they are ideas and ideals. They are not concrete. What is concrete, is what you can feel from the essence of your very soul: the absolute freedom in one's self. To know exactly who you are. To be happy and free from what these petty things that are designed to divide us and tell us we are not enough. You do not have to be born a celebrity to feel and experience these things. This is why confident people are attractive. This is why successful people are optimists. This is why celebrities assume that they will be loved. Take every compliment and every insult and treat them the same way. At the end of the day, it is your life. The opinion that matters most is your own. Your mind will tell you that other people have to be satisfied. It is a lie. Your heart will show you the way.
Being gorgeous by societies standards is perhaps just as hard as being ugly. Both are insecure about themselves. Yet for both cases it is the same belief that sets them free. It is about letting go, of getting rid of that self image, understanding that it is an extension of who you are but does not, and will not, ever define you. So, if you are a guy on his way to the club, what is defining you? Your bicep, your rolex watch, or your new trainers? Or is it your personality, your passion, your ambitions, your excitement and happiness? If you are a girl, what defines you when you go out tonight? Is it in how many people look at you? Is it your makeup, your dress? Is it what your friends think? Or is it that the fact that you are already that gorgeous, smart and amazing princess that you always wanted to be. Move away from begging on the street for a penny, and realize, you are the money.
Smile, you're amazing. Yet, you already knew that, didn't you? :D
Until next time.
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