Today I am your love doctor, apparently. Give me a hug, how are you doing? I will delve into one of the more complex topics of everyday life. While there are many forms of relationship, the one that I will be focusing on is the romantic sort, between two people, namely, attraction, romance or love.
To me, relationships have always been mirrors. Your partner essentially shows you the flaws in yourself. In most cases (unless they are the type who complains about everything), they will, over time, start to question your flaws and inadvertently try to change you. For the better. I have found that "nagging"，”complaining“ or "winging" are lessons in themselves, which unfortunately, are told in a childish way. Approaching three years in my current relationship, I feel proud to say that I have been taught a lot of things about myself. Things that I wouldn't have known had I not been in a relationship. The result is naturally a positive one. I have become a better person not just for myself but for other people as well. The idea of the mirror is a beautiful metaphor because on a deeper level, your partners happiness represents your own. What you change about yourself will change your partner, and vise versa.
This is why it is important to respect each other's lives as individuals. Society has a painful habit of labelling relationships as "ownership"; that somehow being boyfriend and girlfriend prohibits you from doing x and y because your partner tells you not to.
This sounds more like marriage to me. Marriage, unlike courting, is legally binding, sacred and heavy in responsibility. True love involves sacrifice. In the dating scene, ideally, sacrifice is a step too far for a boyfriend or a girlfriend to make. If they are doing so they are infringing on their personal goals and freedoms. This mistake of giving too much and being too afraid to let go or giving false promises, can lead to all sorts of issues. Jealousy, anxiety and misunderstanding. What I have learnt is that if you are to live in happiness you must constantly remind yourself of the first few times you met each other. You must remind yourself that you are, at the end of the day, separate people. Ironically it is in this separation that attraction rears its head,where freshness and spontaneity can flourish. Familiarity, while beautiful in relationships, can also lead to laziness and non commitment.
Activities then, such as exploring nature, dancing and going out together, watching a film, and most amazingly, cooking and eating together can bring back many of those early day emotions. Physical activities such as running, dancing and walking are fantastic, especially on a sunny day. I think for many people the adventure is not just exploring for one's self but in the hand of another. This togetherness is the most natural thing on Earth. Society proliferates the idea of the "selfish" gene. This is to say that everyone is in it for himself and that it's a dog eat dog world out there. I disagree entirely. I believe human beings are innately communal. Like all forms of nature we are inherently linked with the Earth and we are cut from the same cloth. While I congratulate people who are happy with their current partner, I want you to realize that monogamy is one way of looking at relationships. Society's way. Finding the "one" does apply to some people, but I believe that having many lessons in life, from one relationship to the next, can be equally as rewarding.
This is why at a younger age it is important not to commit or to say to yourself that you have found the one. No matter how truthful and honest it may feel at the time, one has to live more in the moment and not to give up one's self to a future that only God can realize. Many of these early relationships can be based entirely on physical attraction. Particularly at a younger age, boys are after one thing and girls are after another. A relationship based on lust, while exciting and fiery, burns out fast and is not made to last. While a relationship built on friendship and love is clear and transparent and good for your health. Like all things good, labour is almost always needed. Though the pay off is always twice of what you put in.
I am not a guru, and I certainly do not hold myself to be the best lover in the world. Otherwise you and I would be dating right now, with you powerless, haha. The truth is that I am learning and always will be. I respect people who are single at this time and I remind them that they are very free in that state, free to work on themselves. What we have to understand is that relationships are also forms of singularity, and for them to work we have to respect each other's freedom. One is never dependent on the other: they should inspire, shine bright and dream together. They are after all, a reflection of yourself.
Until next time :).
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